ITV is the Root of all Evil

To use a horrid cliché, this feels like I’m burning bridges before I’ve already made them. But, hey Big ITV Bosses, if you want to be awesome, employ me.

I hate ITV. 

Everything about it. If you are unfortunate enough to be subjected to my tweetings, this will come as no surprise to you. I often rant about it without reason and I just come across as being quite a grumpy chap. But I’m not. (Or, if I am, I’m probably watching ITV.)

I think it’s time to justify my hatred. And how better than in an itemised list.

Without ITV, these things wouldn’t exist or be popular. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

*

Things I don’t like about ITV:

1. Advertisement and Sponsorship

I’m sick of watching a program or film and it being interrupted by a showcase of poorly acted and patronising propaganda. Even the once novel ‘meerkats’ have lost their touch and I’m nostalgic for days of old.

I understand this how they make money. But they’re selling their soul. Greed should not override quality programming. Which it obviously does. How else would you explain those tedious local news items?

2    2. This Morning

Could you imagine if the Daily Mail was televised? Oh wait. It is. Cue overly cheery This Morning titles followed by your-best-pals Holly and Phil?

3    3.  Simon Cowell

I’m not a religious kind of chap, but I do believe the devil exists. Oh yes. And he takes the form of a bad bouffanted, sunglasses sporting, extreme v-neck wearing ‘music mogul’.

The man who has ‘revolutionised’ Saturday night television is relied upon solely because ITV can’t imagine life without him. (Actually, they can. And that was called Splash…) He is a pantomime villain who is driven only by his own greed.

Also, he put Piers Morgan on a panel to judge talent. 

4 

   4.  Constructed Reality, Acted Poorly Television (Aka CRAP TV)*

In this section, I direct all of my anger towards TOWIE…

ITV 2’s demographic are 16-34 year old females. Girls towards the younger end of this age bracket are very impressionable and going through some very distressing changes. On a moral stance, I do not think it is appropriate to present ‘normal and real life’ as a group of fame hungry idiots who think it is more acceptable to have a glittery fanny than a decent set of GCSEs.

What did pubic hair ever do to you, Amy? Why do you hate it? As you (and by you, I mean your management) are a fan of social media, may I be so bold to suggest kicking off the ‘EmbraceTheBush’ hashtag to allow girls to accept their bodies during the traumatic changes puberty brings? To let them know that being a Barbie doll is neither perfect nor normal?

And on that note, I shall take off my feminist hat and sign off this blog post. Because, frankly, I’m scared of where my mind will take me. I've already had to google ‘vajazzle’... 

*  I am so proud of this acronym. 

Reasons Why I am A Terrible Human (And a Promise. Stick around for that)

Right. People. Let’s be honest.

I’m not a very good human. In fact, I’m probably terrible.

And this is why:

Every so often, in this strange wilderness known as “real life”, I find myself saying ‘Yeah, I have a blog’.

This then leads to an incredibly awkward conversation that goes a bit like this:

            ‘Oh, so what do you write?’

            ‘All kinds of things really. A bit of poetry. A bit of fan fiction. Just occasional stuff. Autobiographical bits. You know, that kind of stuff...’

            ‘That sounds good! How often do you post?’

And this is when I have to shut up.

Because (this may have escaped your attention, but if not… I'll say it aloud) I hardly ever post.

I have said so many times in this blog that I’ll try harder to post and I've even set myself challenges (ie, the three poems in a month that I did about a year ago) just to inspire myself into writing and getting it online.

But it hardly ever works. 

Please know I do write. I just hardly ever upload. This is because my blog was hacked about six months ago and that got to me a bit. I’ve been slightly scared about blogging since. Which is odd. 

But never mind…

Because ladies and gentlemen, for the umpteenth – I RETURN.

Sort of like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Over and over again. 

I adore this blog. I absolutely do. And it upsets me that I’m not more committed to it.

So, right now. Here. I promise that I will write and upload a blog EVERY WEEK FOR THE NEXT YEAR.

Okay. Now I’ve said it. I’ve made the commitment.

Thanks for reading and stick around.

Change’s a coming.