At Last, I'm a Disney Princess

Unlike most homosexuals, I have never really identified or aspired to be a Disney Princess. Instead, rather the opposite. As a child, I can remember a slight obsession with Glenn Close’s Cruella De Vil, her gloriously camp fashion house, and the icy streak in her heart.

So, when I heard of this film called Frozen, I thought I wouldn’t be able to identify with either of the two characters, as they were both of royal descent.

But, boy, I was wrong.

Anna! You babe! Where have you been all of my life?

You’re flatulent, clumsy, a little bit alone, and terrified of the thought of the future! YOU ARE EVERYTHING I AM AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. If only you had been there in my childhood! However, it is not just Anna inside me; there is also a glimmer of the cynical Elsa in me. The ‘conceal, don’t feel’ vibe is something that particularly resonates with me.

When I watched it for the first, there were certain aural resonations with Phantom of the Opera (First Time in Forever, Reprise) and the Slipper and the Rose. It's Frozen’s ‘lead single’ Let it Go strikes a chord, here. Lyrically, there are references to the Slipper and the Rose’s Secret Kingdom, where the main characters seek refuge in a safe palace: be it imaginary in Slipper or a big ass carved icicle in Frozen.

In order to rate the latest addition against other classics, I found myself looking at the rather extensive Disney collection that has grown since childhood. And I have noticed a sad trend: Lady and the Tramp 2, Jungle Book 2, Beauty and the Beast 2, Lion King 1 ½ all dwindle below the ‘satisfactory’ mark . I know it’s a bit inevitable but I do hope Disney don’t ruin Frozen by making a (probably direct-to-DVD) sequel. Though, if there is a sequel, I hope it is Christophe and Sven running off to have a inter-species homosexual affair, thus making Elsa go bat-shit crazy because Anna goes on the rebound with Hans (or one of his brothers)*.

(Reader beware: Spoilers henceforth.)

Part of me (a good thirty seven per cent) wants me to criticise the ‘power of love’ ending. After all, I slaughtered Doctor Who’s Closing Time for this exact reason (And I stand by my point that a cyber army cannot be destroyed because James Cordon loves his son) but, for some reason, Disney makes it work. I had to keep reminding myself this is a movie for children, but I couldn’t help feeling the team knew it would be a hit with the gays. C’mon, I have never seen the levels of sass when Elsa declares ‘the cold never bothered [her] anyway’ are without comparison.

I end on this note:

Thank you Disney. I can finally say I am a Princess. And I feel awesome.

             *Note to Disney: If you do this, I want a cut of the profits.